HOPE

last general conference president uchtdorf spoke on hope. this to me was one of the best talks i have ever heard, and probably because i have always searched for hope. I have had a lot of hard times throughout my life, but along with those i have some of the best times of my life also and i dont regret and freaking thing. That is how we learn and grow. but in my life i've been lied to, cheated on ( mostly by friends i trusted), publicly humiliated ( it was in middle school and after that i was a jerk so i was always on top). also i had to give up the sport that i loved playing because of a broken back. those are just a few things that have made me who i am, i'm definatly not trying to sound like i want sympathy. but in this life we all get down from what ever happens and we need to keep in mind what president Uchtdorf spoke about.... HOPE.  hope is an absolutly wonderful thing, haha i've been learning all about it. times i feel like i'm drowning and there is no way to air. but what i have learned is to always try and look at the positive end, even if the odds are 100:1 you gotta be positive. i'm not gonna lie right now has and is one of the hardest times in my life. i've been back from my mission for 2 months now, and i have about 3 and half months till i go back out. the opposite side is working the crap out of me. my head hurts every single day, i've never felt this way before, heck even when i broke my back and they told me i was done with baseball i was ok, this one is totally different. i've been asked to give up the most important part of my life, my bestfriend. and i have no one else to lean on, i know i have my family but there is just somethings you dont let your family know. like things on the mission, i cant tell my mom everything she would have a heart attack. my bestfriend has always been there and always knew what to say to make me feel like i had hope and to know that i was on the right track. what hurts probably the most right now is just knowing that it was mostly my fault, i was given guidlines to follow and i didnt do it because i was selfish. my whole life i've always done things my way, i've never asked for help cause i actually never needed it. i've been a one man show since i can remember, if anything happend i just got a chip on my shoulder, sucked it up and went as if nothing was wrong. that's how i've always been, but i cant do that anymore. i need help and that was what my bestfriend was for. but now i've been learning about humility and turning to the lord and believe me i didnt think i would ever say that phrase, come on now i'm a jock it's just a little weird. but it's so true. i'm able to pray to my heavenly father for help and guidence, it just gives me a lot of hope knowing that everything will work out. i'm gonna get back out on my mission and finish what i started. And to my bestfriend... i wanted to thank you for all you have done for me with showing me support in all my ups and downs. you truely have been a blessing in my life. i knwo right now things are a little on the down side but i absolutly know that if we put the lord first that we can have exactly what we have wanted all along. i've prayed about that i dont know how many times and it's the same answer time after time. " take care of business first and then your answer is a yes every time" so that right there gives me extreme hope. i dont know what the lord has in store for me but it kinda freaks me out sometimes when people tell me what they see in me. 

but i know that we will make it out of this, i have absolutly no doubts about it. thanks for everything steph. 

HOPE- there is opposition in all things, do not let dispair bring you down and make you feel like you are hopeless, the big guy upstairs has your back, all you need to do is ask.